What Did I Do?
by waatp
Summary: Ten years of marriage and three children later, Beca is no longer speaking to Jesse and he doesn't know the reason why. Can he repair the broken relationship? Will Beca forgive him? Is there any chance of rescuing their love? Jeca all the way :)
1. Red Raincoats

**Chapter One**

It was raining pretty heavily by the time Jesse got home.

The thick drops pelted the pavement; the rhythmic sound almost soothing as the first faint roll of thunder could be heard in the distance. He wasn't sure why he had chosen to walk home from the office instead of taking the subway or a taxi. Heck, he couldn't even remember leaving the office but he must have done as he was almost at his front door.

And he was late.

He fumbled for the keys in his pocket, his fingers numbed with cold and his clumsiness apparent as he swept the overly large bunch of keys, decorations and rings free from his rain mac pocket, one catching on a loose thread. He tugged it free, snagging and tearing the inside pocket slightly.

He hated the stupid, bright red raincoat with matching hood that Beca had insisted he take every day citing the possibility of a rain shower. He felt stupid carrying it to work every day even in the summer but she was right, as usual, the sudden evening downpour catching him by surprise but he'd never tell her that. In fact, he'd never tell her whenever she was right, which was most of the time. He couldn't actually stand the quiet roll of her eyes and the oh-so-tiny smirk that plastered itself to her mouth when it dawned on him that he was wrong.

He was a bloke; he wasn't supposed to get it right!

They had gotten married ten years ago, two years after graduating from Barden in a beautiful and quiet ceremony surrounded by their friends. Life for the most part was good, better than good actually. Sure, they had their fair share of arguments, heated discussions and fights but it only served to remind them both that they had differing opinions and ideas.

Beca had sacrificed a barely started career in Los Angeles to move to a suburb just outside of New Jersey for Jesse's work. It was a bold move for the young couple and Jesse's career of scoring movies was working well. Beca had willingly followed Jesse but the move across the country from Los Angeles had been hard on her. Leaving behind her tight-knit group of college friends nearly broke her but within a year, one of her best friends, Aubrey, had moved to New York for a placement within a lawyer firm and that had helped Beca settle more.

Having the children helped too. Two boys arrived first, just over a year apart and eighteen months later, Teddy and Josh were presented with their little sister, Anna. Having lost most of her teenage snark, Beca threw herself into motherhood and the house was always full of noise, music, singing, laughter and warmth.

Jesse loved coming home on a cold day to be greeted by three brown, curly haired children who always stayed up way past their bed time to see him if he was late coming home from work. And of course to his wife who more often than not had waited to have dinner with him, something which they would always try to do together and talk about their day.

The dog, a large mutt with a red collar, would sit patiently by the front door for Jesse to walk him after dinner. Rupert loved the children, despite being used as a horse on occasion. He would sleep on the landing outside of their bedrooms and guard his little charges at night. On a Saturday, Jesse and Rupert would take the children to the park and play with a ball, ride the swings or their little bikes, leaving Beca to have a couple of hours to herself. Saturday evenings were spent with friends followed by lazy Sunday mornings reading the papers in bed with the children and eating a very unhealthy breakfast. No one got dressed until noon and then games and play were the order of the afternoon until movie night, Jesse's favourite time of the weekend. It was a happy home and a very contented life, almost idyllic and they worked hard at being a family.

That is, until the big fight occurred.

Jesse's fingers faltered with the keys in the lock. Recently, they had never seemed to fit properly yet Beca managed to get hers to work in their red front door every single time. She had always smirked and told him to move aside, joking good-naturedly with the children and asking why she kept him around as he protested that it wasn't his fault that his key was wonky.

He couldn't remember the last time that teasing had happened now as he stood under the shelter of his porch of their three-storey town house. The children occupied the top floor but the basement was all his; his man cave that even Beca wouldn't venture into. He kept all of his work down there, old tracks, unfinished scores and all of his ideas boards. He had offered to share the space with her but her dreams of mixing had been put on hold and she rarely went into the basement, usually stating that the place freaked her out.

_'Damn!'_ Jesse thought as he dropped his keys for the second time. He would have to leave a note for Beca to get a new set of keys cut for him because these were simply not working anymore.

And leaving notes seemed to be the only way they were communicating at the moment. Jesse couldn't remember the last time they had sat down and shared a dinner together, talking over the day. He certainly couldn't recall the last time they had properly actually spoken words. And it was six months at least since they had last slept together. He'd give anything to just sit and hold hands again while watching a movie, or tuck her hair behind her ears or just watch as she busied herself around their home.

He walked round to the back door, knowing that the left French door was easy to open even if it was locked. It just required a little push to the bottom corner with a foot and it would slide open. Idly, Jesse made a mental note about that. He really should get it fixed though, despite this coming in particularly handy right now. While they lived in a safe area, his concern was with his family's safety and wellbeing.

He stepped through the door, remembering to take off his rain jacket and shake it outside before stepping into the living room. It was dark in there; no lamps were on and the television was blank. He popped the door shut, hearing the click fall into place. He turned and was startled to see Beca curled up on one of their oversized sofas, fast asleep and shivering.

Despite the fact that she had stopped speaking to him six months ago, he still loved her desperately and seeing her small frame shaking with the cold broke his heart. He wished with everything he had that she would tell him what he had done wrong so he could fix it and they could get back to their warm, happy, loving home that had always smelt of cookies and popcorn. They had agreed when they got married and especially after having three children that they would work hard on their marriage and wouldn't become one of the statistics and give up.

Jesse saw that the red, fleecy blanket that usually adorned the back of the sofa was tightly wrapped around her, carefully tucked in so no gap was open to let the cool air in. The heating was on so he wasn't sure why she was so cold and wondered if she was coming down with something. He mentally ran through his work load, trying to figure out if he could afford to take a couple of days off to give her a break. He rarely felt the cold anyway but the heating must have been faulty as he could see the breath coming out of her mouth.

He was surprised why she was downstairs, asleep on the sofa though. Usually these days, when he got home from work, she was upstairs in bed when he got home, having gone to bed with the dog for company. Since their fight, the dog had slept in their room and usually growled quietly at Jesse when he passed him by to slip into the ensuite bathroom. He would try so hard not to disturb her as he slipped under the blankets next to her, knowing that if he woke her, it could start an argument about the lateness of his coming home. She rarely acknowledged his presence in the house nowadays, maybe a comment or two would be flung in his direction, half the time he couldn't hear what was being said; the words muttered or mumbled.

He wished he could remember what they were fighting about.

He stood looking at her for a moment or two and was actually startled when her eyes snapped open in the semi darkness. She looked dazed and confused for a few moments, staring right through him as the cloak of sleep slipped off of her.

"Hi." Jesse said, cocking his head slightly. "Can we talk?"

Beca shivered, despite the blanket and ran her hand over her face, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She looked towards the French doors and sighed. Jesse knew she knew that he had come through the door and was probably just checking to make sure he had closed it properly. He wasn't irked at that; it was just Beca's way of securing the house.

Beca sung her legs over the sofa, pulling the blanket from her shoulders and sitting up. She stuffed her feet into her slippers as she rolled the blanket up, tucking it into the side of the sofa.

"You're here then." She said simply to the room, gathering up her book that had fallen to the floor and her glass from the coffee table before standing up. "Earlier than usual Jess."

"Can we talk? Please? I'm sorry I'm late." Jesse asked, not wanting to beg. He reached out a hand to touch her shoulder but she had already stood and walked away from him. He took a minute in the living room before following her into the kitchen.

She was standing by the sink on the other side of the island. She was staring into the small garden that housed a simple swing set for the kids, a large decking area with a BBQ and a few pots full of pretty flowers.

"Beca? Please tell me what I did so I can make it better." Jesse said, slotting his hands on his hips.

Beca continued to stand by the sink, watching the rain run down the windowpane before startling. She crossed over to the kitchen notice board which housed all of the school notices, club and social groups times and dates, any correspondence that needed answering as well as the condensed list of telephone numbers for their friends and family. The small whiteboard also on the wall kept their list of 'to do' jobs organised. He watched her write on it; a short text to remind her to fix the back door.

She turned to walk out of the kitchen, wrapping her cardigan around her and not meeting his eye despite him staring right at her. She passed through the door, pausing slightly on the other side as if she wanted to say something before walking to the stairs. She climbed the first three before she stopped with her hand on the banister.

"I don't really mind you being here but part of me wants you to _just_ leave." Beca spoke softly, raising her eyes upwards towards the ceiling.

"Beca ... I -" Jesse said, walking towards her but she had already gone upstairs by the time he reached the bottom of the flight of steps. He sighed in frustration, locking his eyes up the stairs in case she came back. When she didn't, he returned to the kitchen to find something to eat. He hadn't had much of an appetite and had lost a lot of weight since they had fallen out but Beca did at least leave a plate of food for him in the fridge every night. It had been the same thing every day for six months and he knew she still loved him because the meal was his favourite food, but whatever he had done to upset her so much, he would need to put right.

And soon.


	2. Red Pyjamas

**Chapter Two**

He silently placed his dinner in the microwave, his finger hovering over the timer before deciding he wasn't hungry at all so with a heavy sigh, he placed the wrapper back over the plate before sliding it back into the fridge, saving it for the next day. In a way, he hoped that by not eating, Beca might relent her silent treatment a little, feel sorry for him and _maybe_ talk to him.

Taking a bottle of water out of the fridge Jesse crossed back into the living room. He looked through the rack of DVDs by the side of the TV, quickly choosing something he had seen a few times before that required little concentration. It was one of the movies that he helped score when he first started out, earning him recognition within the industry and opening many doors for him. He pulled out the DVD that was in the player already surprised to see it was of his and Beca's wedding. He was almost taken aback that she would watch it with everything that was going on between them.

He placed it back in the player's tray before pulling open the small snack drawer under the TV unit, retrieving a small pack of flumps as he tucked his first choice DVD back onto the rack. He stood quickly, crossing the room before flopping into the lounger chair that was designated as his spot in their living room. He loved his lounger; it was wide, comfortable and slightly saggy but there had always been a space for a small person to tuck themselves down the side next to him to share the seat with Dad. Prior to their falling out, there had always been room on his lap for Beca to snuggle into his chest as he watched his movies. She would draw lazy shapes on his arms and torso. He longed for those days now as he sank into the cool leather.

He flicked on the TV and settled back to watch their wedding day in all its Technicolor glory. He watched as Aubrey, Chloe and Amy, Beca's friends from college gracefully stepped along the carpet runner and he felt his eyes water when he saw Beca coming down the aisle, her effortless dress clinging to her figure in all the right places and her simple tiara glittering under the lights. She may have worn the easy option in terms of dresses but she had never looked more beautiful than when he first set his eyes on her that morning in June.

He saw himself by the altar, flanked by Benji and Donald, looking dapper in their morning suits, as the camera panned around the church. He watched himself reach down to take Beca's hand as she drew up next to him and he cringed slightly at the stupid look on his face. But he remembered the day like it was yesterday and how his heart had flipped when she stood next to him and how he had laughed when he saw her trademark black earrings had been swapped for silver ones. He remembered how Aubrey had tried to persuade her not to wear them at all but he knew Beca better than that. She was her own person. Reason #304 for loving her.

He fast forwarded the DVD, unable to watch them retake their vows. He tipped the pack of flumps into his mouth as he watched his friends at the reception leave messages into the camera, wishing them well, saying how they were meant to be together and how inevitable it all was. Bumper, obviously drunk, wished them a happy honeymoon and leered into the camera that he had a $20 bet with Amy that their first child would be conceived while they were away.

Jesse shook his head in the dark room. While Bumper was an obnoxious idiot, he did kind of miss him and all of the other guys from college. They were all supposed to meet up a few months ago and Jesse couldn't remember why they never got round to getting together. It was probably due to work pressures and now that most of their friends were married and a few had children; it made meeting up somewhere in the country and getting together that little bit more complicated. Jesse made a mental note to get in touch with all of his buddies soon.

He seemed so forgetful these days, the pressure of his deadlines at work making him lose focus on everything else around him.

He paused the DVD and cocked his head to one side. The house was so quiet and still; clearly everyone was fast asleep and dreaming and he had the sudden urge to see his children. He switched everything off downstairs and padded up the stairs as quiet as a mouse.

He stopped at Anna's door first. His little Princess was four years old and a carbon copy of Beca, right down to the eye rolls and musical talent. He sat down gingerly on her bed so to not disturb her and gently pulled the blankets down to get a look at her face. Her cheeks were flushed and she shivered as the cool air hit her skin. He noted with surprise how long her hair had gotten and silently kicked himself for not paying more attention. He was missing the important little details in his own children's lives. Jesse covered her back up lest he wake her and cause her to cry; which would probably irk Beca even more as he was the cause of it.

Closing the door softly behind him as he left her room, he crept across the landing to the boys' room. Teddy and Josh were now seven and six and their pirate room was one of Jesse's favourites of the house. He furrowed his brow as he stepped into their room and looked down at his sleeping sons; Teddy was a miniature version of himself while Josh looked similar to Beca's father, tall and lean for his age. Jesse smoothed down their pirate bed sheets, pulling them up to the boys shoulders. He looked around at all their pirate toys, the boats, the plastic figures they adored and the dressing up costume haphazardly tossed into the corner of the room. For the twentieth time that day, he was unable to remember the last time he and his boys had swashbuckled together. He made a mental note to get home on time in the evenings and stop working so late.

Was that why Beca was so mad with him?

Had the hours he spent in his studio at work finally got to her? It hadn't before; she knew that during the week it was sometimes all he could focus on but recently, he had had to spend more time there, especially at the weekends it seemed. He realised with a heavy heart that he had put his work before his family. It wasn't intentional, he felt compelled to stay there and get it done, almost like a force not allowing him to leave until everything was right.

He stepped back into the hallway, popping the door back in place, feeling cross with himself. He slowly made his way down a level and was about to enter his bedroom when he heard Beca softly crying inside. He stood outside for a moment, resting his head against the door while he listened.

A beam of light suddenly appeared from under the door and he heard Beca get out of bed and speak to Rupert on her way to their bathroom. He took this as his cue to enter the room. Beca had painted the room herself, using their combined love of music as her palette. He quickly changed into his red sleeping shorts and a tee shirt before slipping under the covers and waiting for Beca to come out of the bathroom.

He was just about to drift off when he heard the light pull being popped in the bathroom and the door opening. Beca patted Rupert on the head as she passed him by before gently slipping under the blankets. Jesse turned over, desperately wanting to wrap his arms around her, but stopped when he saw she was shaking. He propped himself up on his elbow instead.

Knowing how Beca didn't like to be touched when she was upset, he stopped himself from trying to hold her. She always said it made it worse and he really didn't want to cause her any more stress. Rupert padded about by the bed, circling several times before resting his head on the bed near to Beca's belly.

"Let's get this mess sorted out." Jesse said gently to the Beca shaped lump under the blankets as he watched Rupert put his front paws up on the bed, his back leg scratching at the sheets as he tried to climb up the mattress. "Can we talk?"

"No ... Rupert, get down." Beca said, pushing Rupert off and tickling his ears before reaching over to switch off the lamp. Jesse sighed as he watched her settle back down, wrapping her arms around her belly before tucking her head down low under the blankets.

He lay watching her for a while, long after her breathing had evened out and her body had relaxed. He wanted to touch her, to draw her close to him, to tell her over and over again how sorry he was that they were fighting and how much he loved her. But he had seen how tired she looked downstairs and he didn't want to wake her.

"Jesse." She murmured in her sleep and his head jerked up.

"I'm here. Yes, I'm here." He called out softly, but apart from Rupert's head snapping up and a low growl coming from his direction, the room stayed silent.

Jesse eventually fell into a dreamless sleep as he continued to watch Beca, glad that it was Saturday the next day and he could spend the whole day with them, knowing he was definitely going to ignore his work pager.

He needed to put this right before he lost them all forever.


	3. Red Mist

**Chapter Three**

The next morning Jesse woke late and immediately, instinctively rolled over to reach out to Beca. He wasn't actually shocked to see her side of the bed neatly made and the cushions propped up and tidily arranged against the pillow. The open bathroom door wafted the slightly heady scent of bleach about the room and Jesse knew Beca had cleaned it already before heading downstairs. He wondered how she did all that without waking him up.

It was Saturday morning and for the past however many months, he hadn't been there on a Saturday morning to take his kids to the park, walk Rupert or have an extra five minutes with Beca over a cup of coffee. Work had been so busy, he never seemed to get through the pile of things to do; it was always the same pieces, he never could get it quite right. He had been given free range to get the job down but it seemed as if, for the past six or seven months, all he had worked on was the same few sets of lyrics. He was glad it was an animation and the rough draft he had been given to work on was still being perfected by the tech and design guys. He still had time to get it perfect.

He liked to do well in his work, he wanted to make his family proud of him. Heck, he _needed_ Beca to retain the confidence she had placed in him when she had oh so faithfully followed him across the country all those years ago, putting her dreams on the back burner so he could pursue his.

He stared out of the window for a few moments, watching the slackened trees out in the street sway in the wind. He couldn't hear any noise in the house and that was something he couldn't get used to. With three children and a very vocal wife, there had always been laughter and singing as well as the sounds of playtime from dawn till dusk.

They had always wanted a busy house where people could just jump right in with their family; where no one felt like they couldn't relax into their oversized sofas or put a drink on the coffee table without a coaster. When Chloe and her husband Jon had come up from Miami to stay in the summer with their two children, Max and Lola, they had just melted into their space within minutes, Chloe putting the kettle while Jon and Jesse brought the bags in from the car and Beca showing Max and Lola upstairs to their bedrooms for the week. Even the overly stuffy Aubrey curled her stockinged feet up onto the soft fabric covered sofa when she came over for a glass of wine after a particularly hard day at the office. She actually visited often, both on her own and with her husband, Chris, who was a pilot and away a lot.

Benji used their home as his mailing address when he went to work in the theatres in London's West End for two years and Bumper and Fat Amy used a corner of their garage as storage for Amy's home brew, citing its explosives powers as a reason not to keep the whole stock in one place.

In short, their home was a central hub for people visiting, the family sharing good times together, good food and copious amounts of singing, hustle, bustle but most importantly noise. Jesse couldn't remember a time when anyone spoke louder than a whisper these days. He was acutely aware of how long it had been since he had spent any proper time with his family.

He was a bad husband and a terrible father; no wonder they wanted to spend time away from him.

He sighed again, wondering where his children were. Had they gone to the park without him? He decided to dress in his running gear and jog to the park and hopefully catch up with them. He would shower when he came back.

Stepping out the house, Jesse stretched on the front steps for a minute or two, taking great lungfuls of fresh air in an effort to snap out of the funk he was in. He was calling himself all the names under the sun as well as cursing internally for being so stupid and assuming Beca would put up with his workaholic ways.

Pounding the pavement helped; it cleared his mind and he began to put his thoughts in order. He was still unclear as to what he had done all those months ago but he pushed those thoughts to one side. He would make this right. He checked his watch for the second time, coming to a spectacular halt when he saw the little date in the corner.

_'Goddamn it!'_ He screamed in his head. Today was his eleventh wedding anniversary and he had forgotten. He always remembered. He wasn't the kind of man that relied on his wife to tell him important dates or remind him of anniversaries. Jesse always remembered. Before, he had actually willingly gone shopping, on his own no less, to choose a gift for her. He rather enjoyed walking around the lingerie shops for research purposes and would usually spend a small fortune on her, showering her with small gifts all day long before taking her to their favourite, over-priced but lovely restaurant. They always went there, both enjoying the time together. They always ended up giggling over the fact they ordered the same thing every time they went there. They were both creatures of habit.

On his last trip to the West Coast about nine months ago, he had found the perfect locket in a small antique shop. Beca had been after one for a while but most of the ones she had seen where too big for her small frame. The one he could was just right and he knew she would love it. He kept it in his man cave. It was already wrapped and his note card written on it, professing his love for her for eternity. He made a mental note to get back to the house as soon as he found everyone and leave it for her to find.

He didn't have time to get anything else today. He wanted to give her the gift soon so she would know that he still loved her and thought about her every day. He would order some flowers when he got back to the house as he hadn't thought to bring any money out with him.

He reached the park and scanned the vista for his family. Apart from a small number of teenagers by the swings, the park was almost empty. He slowed his pace as he jogged around the perimeter, keeping a watchful eye out for Beca. It was obvious they weren't there.

Needing a moment to collect his thoughts and return a steady pace to his breathing, he jogged towards the bench by the entrance of the park. It was empty save for an old man in a red hat who was busily crumbling biscuits on to the ground, tossing handfuls in front of him for the birds. Jesse was quite surprised by the state of the small, black birds busy pecking at the ground. They were old and scrawny, some hopping about on one leg, others with broken wings.

The old man looked up at Jesse as he approached the bench and smiled at him.

"Mornin'." He said, tipping his hat towards Jesse.

"Good morning." Jesse breathed out evenly.

"Nice day for it." The old man continued.

"Um, yes." Jesse said.

"I'm just waiting for the call." The old man laughed. "Hope it won't be too long, the wife died this morning."

"Oh ... oh man, I'm sorry." Jesse said. "My condolences."

"Thank you. Took me long enough to figure out why I was still on this Earth, I was waiting for her."

"Had you been married long?" Jesse asked.

"Nearly sixty years." The old man answered triumphantly.

"Wow." Jesse said, unable to think of anything else. "Are you um, OK out here in the park?"

"Yes, we'd come here every week to feed the birds. She loved the birds."

"I'm sorry for your loss." Jesse said honestly.

"You figured out what's keeping you here sonny?"

"I was looking for my family." Jesse answered, not quite sure what the old man had meant.

"You go find them. Keep them safe. Tell them you love them."

"I've been trying to reconnect with them." Jesse said, unable to remember a time when he had last spoken to someone for any length of time. "I feel so distant from them."

"Well, that's to be expected." The old man said cryptically.

"I talk to my wife, but she doesn't listen. We fought and she ... she doesn't seem to hear me anymore."

"Possibly she can't hear you. Perhaps you aren't saying the right words. Talk to her in her sleep. She can't ignore you there."

"Maybe." Jesse shrugged. "Look man, I'm sorry about your wife. Truly. I'm sorry that I've got to go, will you be all right here?"

"Of course. I'm sorry it happened to you when you were young. But remember, she'll hear you when you are ready to _be_ heard. And you'll know when the time is right to let it all go."

Jesse held out his hand to the old man and they shook hands gently. Jesse didn't really have a clue what the old man was saying but having just lost his wife, he wasn't expecting him to make much sense.

He turned at the gates and gave a half wave before jogging back towards home, running through all the words he wanted to say to Beca when he walked through his front door.


	4. Red Dress

**Chapter Four**

Jesse ran back to his street and spotted Aubrey's red sports car parked on the verge outside their house. She had clearly just arrived at the house as he heard her kill the engine and watched as she gathered up a few things from the front seat before opening the door and gracefully stepping out of the car, shutting the door carefully with her hip. He caught up with Aubrey at the bottom of the house steps.

"Hey Bree, how you doing?" He said, slotting his hands on his hips and twisting from side to side. Aubrey continued to climb the steps, ignoring anything else around her. Jesse rolled his eyes and sucked in his cheek. "Ignoring me as well huh? I'm getting a little bit sick of this now."

Aubrey reached the top of the stairs and flung her head over her shoulder, knitting her eyebrows in confusion or was it anger? Jesse wasn't quite sure which is was. He watched Aubrey take the car keys from her pocket and aim them towards her car, clicking the button to lock her car. She turned the keys in her hand until she found the one for their front door. Juggling the items in her hands, she almost dropped the lot as she thrust the key towards the lock.

"Aubrey, let me help -"

"-Whoa ... whoops ... okay, I've got it, I've got it!" Aubrey laughed out, jabbing the key into the keyhole and twisting it to pop open their front door.

Jesse sighed and hopped up the steps after Aubrey. He was actually getting rather annoyed by the silent sisterhood treatment now. Beca could be mad at him for whatever it was he said in their fight but Aubrey was his friend too and she really had no business getting involved. He followed Aubrey through the front door, ducking under her arm as she absentmindedly scanned the wide hallway. She pushed the door shut.

"Beca?" Aubrey called out. "Becs?"

"In here." Beca called back making Jesse startle a little. He hadn't clocked his wife in the kitchen when he came in. He sat on the bottom of the stairs to take off his running shoes as Beca rounded the corner, leaning on the door jam as Aubrey unloaded her armfuls of stuff onto the chair. Opening her arms wide, Aubrey swept Beca up into a warm and friendly hug, wrapping her arms tightly around her friend.

"How are you feeling?" Aubrey asked as she released Beca.

"Just tired." Beca replied, leaning forward slightly and wrapping her cardigan tightly around herself. "I'm not sleeping. I just feel so empty."

"Then talk to me!" Jesse said, standing up and walking towards the kitchen. Both Aubrey and Beca turned away from him and continued down the hallway talking to each other as they entered the sunny kitchen.

"Are the kids with Amy?" Aubrey asked and Beca nodded, filling the kettle with water.

Jesse was confused as to why Amy had the children. She rarely had them to stay over anymore especially with a young son of her own. He wanted to spend time with them and try to heal the rift in his family. He was getting so frustrated now, almost angry. He stood listening to Aubrey and Beca talking quietly in the kitchen, discussing goodness knows what. He was clearly being ignored.

Turning sharply, he went to open the thin door in the hallway a few feet from where he was standing. It was the door to his basement. He would go down and find that bloody locket he had bought for Beca and show her he was still committed to the relationship even if she was intent on letting it all fall apart. He twisted the door knob and was surprised to find it locked. His blood began to boil.

"Who locked the basement door?" He yelled loudly, his voice echoing around the hallway and stairs.

He was met with silence.

"This is still my Goddamn house!" Jesse bellowed, shoving a pot plant from the small table by the door. He watched it crash to the floor; the earth and broken pieces of pottery skidding across the wooden floor. With the sound of the smash, Jesse felt his anger dissipate. He turned towards the door under the stairs which held their cleaning supplies; hoping to find a broom to sweep up the mess.

The sound brought Beca and Aubrey running from the kitchen, stopping in the doorway to look at the damage all over the floor. Jesse stuck his head into the cupboard.

"Is there a window open?" Aubrey asked. "Did the wind blow it over?"

"No, _he's_ here." Beca said sadly.

"Is he?" Aubrey remarked. "I hadn't noticed."

"Jesse, just go." Beca said softly, the wobble in her voice so apparent. "We don't need you anymore."

_'Oh, that's charming!'_ Jesse thought, withdrawing from the cupboard in order to say his piece. He stopped as he watched Aubrey envelope Beca again. She pulled away from Aubrey, clutching her belly, sinking into the dirt on the floor, the tears dripping down her face. He jerked forward, wanting so desperately to hold her, to make this all right but his legs felt like lead. Aubrey was down on the floor with her friend now, holding her tightly, rubbing circles onto her back.

As annoyed as Jesse was, yet at the same time wanting to reach out to Beca, he couldn't stand to see her cry. He was the cause of all of this pain. He would make this right. He would book a table at their favourite restaurant, order fine champagne and they would talk all this out and start working on everything getting back to normal.

"I'm going to shower." Jesse said to the two women on the floor, clicking the cleaning cupboard door noisily with a bang. "When I come back down. I'll clear this mess back up. And I'll book us a table at Les Chef's for 7.30 tonight. And we'll talk everything through. Okay?"

Beca looked up and gazed towards him. He took that as a sign of understanding as he made his way up to his bathroom. Showering quickly and dressing in his favourite red sweater, he took a moment in their bedroom to look at the photos adorning the walls. These were happy times and full of fond memories. He ran his fingers through his damp hair and calmly walked back down the stairs.

He wasn't overly surprised to see that the mess in the hallway had been cleaned up and everything tidied away. Trudging into the kitchen, he saw Beca in the garden quietly dead-heading a few flowers while Aubrey talked to her, her hand always resting on the crook of Beca's back. He walked over to the notice board to get the number for the restaurant and was surprised to see a message written in Beca's neat handwriting on the whiteboard with the reservation number for the restaurant. She had already booked a table. His heart leapt a little with relief that he might finally start to understand where it had all gone wrong.

He calmly walked to the basement door and twisting the knob left and right, he found the door wasn't locked and with a heavy sigh, he walked down the basement steps to find the locket he had remembered earlier. He looked around at all the boxes littering the various tables and shelves in his man cave. He started to shift a few around, opening up the dusty cartons and peering instead.

Knowing he had some time and it would seem that the rest of his family were currently occupied, Jesse looked through the contents of the boxes for hours. They were filled to the brim with old scores, half written lines of code, ideas boards and he found boxes and boxes of old tapes, CDs and DVDs. He didn't remember bringing them down to the basement but he thoroughly enjoyed going through everything.

However his joy was short lived as he peered down at his watch in the gloom of the basement.

"Fuck!" He squealed as the digits read 20.23. Standing up quickly, he spilled everything from his lap as he sprinted up the stairs, brushing himself down as he ran up the steps two at a time. He burst through the door into an obviously empty house. He coughed as a cloud of dust followed him.

"Fuck." He said again, looking down at himself to remind himself what he was wearing. He would simply have to go to the restaurant as he was, he couldn't miss their reservation.

Realising Beca had clearly gone without him, he ran to the front door, slamming it shut behind him. He jogged down to the main street searching for a taxi to get him to Les Chefs quicker. As luck was clearly proving not to be on his side, the street was completely empty.

Knowing the restaurant was only three or four miles towards the downtown, he began to run, hoping against hope she would still be at the restaurant and at the very least still willing to talk to him.

Jesse arrived at the restaurant door just before nine. Wheezing terribly, he followed a couple of smokers through the door and spotted Beca immediately. If he was having trouble breathing before, the sight of her sitting all alone at the table dressed in his favourite red dress, her hair pinned up and her make up perfect made him lose all the breath in his body. After being together for over fifteen years, Beca could still make him do that.

We weaved his way through the table and watched as she absentmindedly poked at her dessert with her fork, clearly not wanting to eat it. Her other hand lay on the table, twisting her napkin around and around in her fingers. He sat down heavily on the chair opposite her.

"Beca, I'm so sorry. I lost track of time and ..." Jesse said, coughing a couple of time. "... and I'm sorry. This meal was important to me. I wanted to -"

***crash***

The sound of a glass being dropped echoed around the restaurant and Jesse's head snapped round to see what had happened. He swung his head back to catch Beca looking as well, into a space just above his right shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Jesse tried again but Beca's eyes fell back to her cheesecake. She raised her eyes again as the waiter walked passed and nodded to him. "Can we talk?"

Jesse reached out a hand across the crisp white tablecloth. He didn't know whether he should touch her. She didn't like to be touched when she was angry. She withdrew her hand, holding the napkin tightly and dabbed at her mouth before tossing it back on the table. Jesse sat back in his seat and waited for her to speak.

Beca took a sip of water, replacing the glass back on the table as the waiter gently slipped the check in its leather folder onto the table. Leaning forward, Jesse moved to take the bill but Beca's hand snaked across the table, flipped open the wallet and quickly signed her name on the slip. She shut the file, placed the pen on top and raised her eyes to the room. The waiter floated over, collected the folder, placing it under his arm before taking a step back resting his hand on the back of her chair.

"Did you have a coat ma'am?" He asked.

"Yes, a black jacket." She replied quietly.

"I'll be back in one moment." He said.

"I'm sorry Beca. Can we go and get a drink somewhere?" Jesse asked as he watched the waiter return with Beca's jacket. He held it up for Beca to thread her arms through. As she alighted from the chair, Jesse's eyes fell to Beca's belly and in his shock he registered a well rounded baby bump clearly protruding from his slim wife's frame.

"Happy Anniversary." She whimpered, as she left the table.

"Wait ..." Jesse fumbled with his words as it dawned on him that she was at least eight months pregnant. He leapt up from the table. "Beca ... wait!"

But she had already left the restaurant.


	5. Red Blanket

**Chapter Five**

"Beca! Wait!" Jesse shouted again as he powered through the open restaurant door but all he could see was the red tail lights as the taxi took Beca towards home.

Was this why Beca was so mad with him? He had gotten her pregnant for the fourth time and she wasn't happy about it? Why the hell hadn't she talked to him about it? She was clearly heavily pregnant yet he hadn't noticed her bump until two minutes ago.

_'I really am the absolute worse man in the world._' Jesse screamed into his head as the rain began to fall softly onto his head. He went to pull the hood of his rain mac over his head and realised he hadn't brought it out with him. There was nothing for it but to walk home in the rain and think about how Beca was always right and he should have brought his mac with him.

He continued to think how he hadn't noticed the changes in Beca over the past few months. He had come home late from the office for most of it. she had been in bed and at the weekends ... wait, he could hardly remember spending a weekend at home lately. He had become the father that Beca had despised, never there and too busy for his family.

He cursed inwardly as a car splashed through a puddle on the road, soaking him through to the skin. He was too angry to feel wet and cold as he pounded the sidewalk. He was a couple of minutes from home when he saw an ambulance race past him, the sound of the sirens stirring a reaction inside him he couldn't quite fathom.

He began to pick up the pace, arriving in his street and the sight of the ambulance outside his front door feeling him with a hot white fear like never before. The sound of the ambulance doors slamming shut jolted him back to the moment as he ran towards the house.

"Wait!" He said, waving his arms wildly in the air. "Wait!"

The ambulance drove off at top speed with the lights flashing brightly, reflecting on all of the windows in the street. He noted a couple of sets of curtains twitching as he came up to the steps of his house. He turned in surprise as Aubrey came bustling through the front door carrying Beca's overnight bag and clutching her purse. She was talking on her phone.

"I don't know, Chloe, but I blame Jesse for this whole mess she's in." She spoke abruptly into the handset and there was silence for a moment as Chloe spoke her piece. "Well, clearly it is his fault."

More silence as Aubrey turned to click off the lights in the hallway.

"No, she's on her own but I'm going over now. Paramedics said she was already eight centimetres dilated. She'd clearly been in labour all day and not said anything." Aubrey spoke briskly as she slammed the front door behind her. "It won't be long."

Jesse stepped forward as Aubrey clacked down the front steps.

"Can I have a ride please Bree? I should be there. I didn't know about the baby." He said pleadingly, as Aubrey shuffled all the items in her arms to one side to unlock her car. She pulled on the door handle and tossed everything onto the front seat, clearly indicating as far as Jesse could tell that he wasn't welcome in her car.

"Can you come up Chloe? You are better than all of this than me." Aubrey nodded along with whatever Chloe was saying as Jesse rounded up by the car door. He waited to speak his turn. Aubrey leant over to pull the door closed, casting an eye back up to the house. "She's at Mercy West. Hurry."

"Thanks Aubrey, thanks." Jesse said, running round to the other side of the car. He pulled on the handle but the door wouldn't open. He knocked on the window as Aubrey slammed her car door closed. She started the engine as Jesse tapped on the glass again and drove away before he had a chance to get in the car.

"Dear God, what the hell did I do to Beca?" He said out loud to the street. Knowing there was little else he could but either stand in the rain and sulk or get to the hospital, he calculated the quickest route to Mercy West knowing it was only about twenty blocks if he went via the underpass and through the park. He began to move.

As he ran, he tried to process what was turning out to be one of the weirdest days of his life. He knew he still loved Beca as much as, if not more, than the day he married yet she had completely shut him out of her life for months. He racked his brains for the millionth time trying to remember the fight they had had which stopped her talking to him. And then it dawned on him. Maybe they hadn't had a fight? Maybe Beca putting up those walls around herself was her way of saying she didn't love him anymore and he had just been too dumb to realise it. Surely that was the reason he couldn't remember the fight. They hadn't had one; they had just simply drifted apart.

He knew there wasn't anyone else involved. He knew that baby inside her was his. He never doubted or distrusted her for one minute with that. True, he always felt a pang of guilt when he knew she had given up her dreams for him but it was always the plan for her to get back to it eventually, when the children were at school. Was that why she was mad? That having another baby caused her plans to be put back another five years?

Twenty minutes later he arrived at the maternity section of the hospital, his head full of questions. Following the red arrows he quickly found his way through the maze of corridors and the mass of doors to an empty nurse's station.

"Hello!" He called out, his chest tightening from the run. "Can I have some help please?!"

He could hear faint screaming coming from down the corridor that sounded incredibly like Beca and not wanting to wait by the empty nurse's station, he jogged down the corridor towards the sound. There was a scurry of activity as three nurses headed towards the room, thrusting open the door as they pushed a small trolley full of equipment past him. He saw the name B Swanson on the outside of the room as he followed the nurses inside.

He saw Aubrey tightly gripping onto Beca's shoulders as she, red faced and crying, was clearly in the later stages of labour. He stood open mouthed as the nurses and midwife busied themselves around her.

"Take it easy Mrs Swanson." The midwife said, pulling up a stool and sitting at the foot of the bed. "I know you've taken us all by surprise with how quick this little one has decided to join us but try not to push just yet."

"It's Beca. Please. It's Beca. I can't bear hearing Swanson right now." Beca said through gritted teeth.

"Okay Beca." The midwife said, glancing over to a nurse as she stepped forward.

"Guys, I'm here!" Jesse said.

"Is there anyone else you need us to call Beca?" A blonde nurse said kindly.

"Guys!" Jesse called out again. "I'm _right_ here!"

"Is Chloe on the way?" Beca asked Aubrey, the hot tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Yes Becs, she's catching the red eye as we speak. She'll miss the fireworks but she'll be here for the cuddles."

"What about your husb -" The nurse asked, pausing as she watched Aubrey shakes her head violently.

"I'm. Standing. Right. Here." Jesse bellowed. "Why can't you women hear me? Am I not speaking loudly enough?"

Jesse waited for a reaction to his outburst and was clearly confused why five women couldn't hear him speak. Had Beca told them to ignore him? Even for her, that was pretty shallow. He was about to open his mouth again when the blonde nurse moved the trolley suddenly ramming it into his side, taking out his legs from under him. He fell backwards, knocking his head painfully on the floor. His world began to blacken immediately as he heard Beca scream out one last time.

"Jesse!"

It was dark when he came to. He was still on the floor and all the lights were dimmed, save for the spotlight next to Beca's bed. He could just make out the shape of her on the bed through the fog that clouded his vision.

He rose shakily to his feet and walked over towards his wife, taking in Aubrey's still form on the nursing chair in the corner of the room. She was covered in a red blanket and fast asleep. He looked down at Beca. She was shivering in her sleep but as he went to pull up the blanket, she stirred and stretched out, her legs not quite reaching the end of the bed.

"You're here." She said dreamily and very quietly, her face still riddled with sleep. "You're finally here."

"I've always been here Beca. I've never gone away."

"You're here." She repeated and gingerly reached over to the small bassinet at the side of her bed. "You're finally here."

Beca pulled the cot towards her, the wheels squeaking across the plastic floor. Jesse looked down at the baby, seeing his fourth child for the first time. He gasped as he took in the tiny frame of the child, an absolute copy of himself.

"Hey baby." Beca said and Jesse smiled.

"Hey -" Jesse started to say but he stopped short when he realised she was talking to the small person and not him.

"You are so beautiful." She whispered into the dark.

"Beca, is it a boy or a girl?" He asked as a beam of light from the doorway pierced through the darkness and a shock of ginger curls came into view around the door frame.

"Beca?" Chloe whispered into the room. "Are you awake?"

"Chloe?" Beca said quietly, turning in her bed. "Chlo? Is that you?"

Chloe quickly entered the room, dropping her bags on the floor as she swept Beca up into her arms. Jesse could hear both girls crying as he took a step back. He never felt so unwanted and unloved in his life. He just felt empty. He stepped back into the shadows. Something felt very, very wrong indeed.

"It's a girl." Beca said, gesturing with her hand not attached to the drip towards the bassinet. "We have our second daughter."

"Has she got a name?" Chloe asked, as she snaked around the bed to have a look at the newest addition.

"Jessie. I'm calling her Jessie." Beca said, fresh tears running down her cheeks. "Born on our 11th anniversary, I couldn't call her anything else."

"Was it awful doing it alone?" Chloe said, taking a seat on the end of Beca's bed, rubbing Beca's legs. "I know you had Aubrey but, you know?"

"Aubrey was great but Jesse was here. I know he was."

Chloe nodded and cast an eye over towards Aubrey.

"Can I get you something to eat?" Chloe asked. "I'm too pumped to sleep so I could fetch some things. I need to do something to help."

"That would be great." Beca said. "I'm going to nap for a bit so you are on cuddle duty when you get back."

"I can cope with that!" Chloe beamed as she lifted herself off of the bed, walking towards the door. "I love you Beca."

"I love you too Chloe. Thank you for coming." Beca said as she lay back down, pulling the blankets back up past her shoulders. Chloe left the room to walk to the hospital cafeteria. Jesse stepped forward after a few minutes, content that Beca was asleep again and walked towards her bed.

"Whatever I did wrong in my life, to you or to the family, I'm sorry Beca. I really am. I love you with all of my heart." He said as he took the seat at the head of Beca's bed. He watched as her mouth twitched in her sleep.

"Jesse?" Beca whispered out.

"Yeah baby, I'm here."

"Where did you go?" Beca murmured, her lips barely moving.

"I've been here the whole time. I think I got a little lost but I've realised what's important. I need you Beca. I need you and the kids and this new baby that I knew nothing about but already love. I need my best friend back, Beca. Let me back in." Jesse said, tears falling from his eyes.

"I miss you Jesse." Beca whispered and it dawned on Jesse that the old, withered man in the park was right. He had said to talk to her in her sleep and she'd have no choice but to hear him. He realised her lips were still moving. "Why Jesse, why?"

"What Beca? What did I do? What have I done to make you so sad?"

"Why did you leave me?" Beca asked, in a voice so quiet Jesse had to strain to hear her.

"I didn't leave you! I've been here the whole time."

There was silence as Beca's sleepy hand reached up to her neck to move a lock of hair that had fallen, tickling her skin. With a bolt of shock running through him, Jesse saw the chain around her neck. It was the locket that he had bought for her all those months ago. He couldn't fathom how she had found it. He was more shocked to see that a wedding band was also on the chain.

He looked down to her hands, wondering if her hands had swollen while she was pregnant and she had taken hers off but it was there, still snuggling fitting on her finger. He looked to his own hands and with surprise, he saw his wedding band had gone. Jesse shifted around in his seat as he mentally ran through everything in his mind. What was happening?

"Beca? What did I do?" He asked, suddenly terrified of the answer.

"You got shot." She said, her eyes flickering in every direction as if the memory was unravelling in her dream. The reply floored Jesse and all the air in his lungs disappeared. He clutched at his throat as his brain went into overdrive. "You _died_."

Flashback memories began to flood into Jesse's brain. A phone call at work telling him to hurry home as Beca had wonderful news. The subway ride home. The fight that broke out. He tried to intervene, to help. He remembered the flash of light and the bullet hitting his chest. He remembered feeling no pain as he hit the floor. He remembered returning home that night, only he hadn't.

He remembered Beca always sleeping with Rupert and the way he would growl at Jesse. How there was always just one plate setting in the kitchen, one meal in the fridge. How his keys never worked in the lock, she must have had them changed after the accident but never quite wanted to stop him coming home by not fixing the back door.

How Beca had spoken words out loud meant _for_ him but never _to_ him. How quiet the house was, how empty it must have seemed without him. How the children missed him, not wanting to play and laugh and sing anymore. How he was always stuck at work, unable to leave and how the basement was so full of his work. How the wedding video was always in the DVD player. She was having trouble letting him go.

All the feelings of realisation washed over him. He had died but had somehow stayed around to wait for his baby to be born, to say goodbye to Beca one last time. The old man in the park earlier hadn't walked to the park to feed the birds, he was dead already and was waiting for his wife to join in as she had just died.

He looked over to Beca. God, he loved her so much. He had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, well into his old, old age. But he had spent his entire life with her. It was just a lot shorter than he ever intended.

"I'm sorry Beca. I didn't mean to leave you. I love you. I'll always love you." Jesse whispered, leaning forward towards Beca's ear. He saw tears running down her face. "Don't cry baby."

Beca didn't move but the tears began to fall faster.

"I think I have to go." Jesse said, understanding that for her to heal, he had to make sure his presence was away from her, the house and the children. "I just needed to do a couple of things first. I'm glad you found the locket. Re read the note when you can. I meant every word."

Beca shifted under the blankets, as if she was finally relaxing for the first time in months.

"And I needed to tell you something." Jesse whispered.

"Tell me." Beca mouthed.

"You were always it for me. You and Teddy and Josh and Anna and now little Jessie, you were everything to me. I'm sorry your plans were put on hold. Live for your dreams now baby girl. Do it for the children. Tell them I love them every single day. And remember that you were my everything. My breath. My heart. My life. I love you." Jesse said, tears pouring down his face. "You sleep now, Beca. Everything will be different in the morning. Use Aubrey and Chloe, they want to help."

"Goodnight Jesse." Beca murmured. "I love you."

"Goodnight, sweetheart." Jesse breathed out. "I'll pop in on you from time to time. Save me a seat, okay?

And as the room began to fade around him, as he took his last moments on Earth in, he began to sing the last song he had ever completed. It would never go on a soundtrack or a score for a movie. It was always just intended _for_ Beca. He had written the words on the note to go with the locket.

_What would I do without your smart mouth?  
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out  
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down  
What's going on in that beautiful mind  
I'm on your magical mystery ride  
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright_

_'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you, oh_

And as his voice faded into nothing, as Jesse finally let go, his reasons for staying so clear in his final moments, Beca's eyes snapped open.

She felt at peace, she had finally got to say her goodbye to the only man she had ever loved. She knew she would see Jesse in her dreams and when the time came for her, she knew he would be waiting. She wasn't ready to smile yet but the ache in her heart was less.

And as the dawn broke on a new day, the suns rays lifting the blanket of darkness, Beca kissed her new daughter and held her close, longing for the day she could tell her all about her Daddy and what a wonderful man he was.

* * *

**A/N - Song is All of Me by John Legend (not Jesse Swanson ... sorry!)**

**I can now say it but I pinched the idea for this story from the film The Sixth Sense. I couldn't say it before as it could give away the ending for those that had seen the film. I don't own either The Sixth Sense or Pitch Perfect or any of the characters.**

**A quick apology to cuticlecareenetwork who saw a first draft and had to deal with the mess that it was and a thank you to Lackluster Brilliance for the continuous support, despite this being Jeca which I know you hate!**


End file.
